Shoo Fly, Don't Bother Me
by plunger02
Summary: 2007Movie:OneShot: Ironhide runs into a small problem dealing with a small organic being, will this event change his life forever? Read and find out! RELOADED


**Well let me say that the year 2007 wasn't a good year…for me lol. With family issues and with the starting of college, the last couple of months have made me push back my writing completely. But with a new year, everything has settled down and I am now able to get back to my brand new laptop I got for Christmas YAY and start writing again. I do have quite a lot of storyboards I have written down that I plan on doing but I will not guarantee they will be out soon sadly. This little one-shot here is the beginning of a hopefully, a more updating me lol.**

**  
I do not own Transformers; they belong to Hasbro, so yeah...blah blah blah. Now, sit back, and relax and enjoy MWUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! **

Jazz: Don't move! Her eye sight is based on movement, if she can't see you she won't-

Me: sees Jazz

Jazz: Slag it

Me: glomps MINE!! HISSS HISSSSS!!!! 

**000000**

Ironhide sat quietly in the front drive way of the Lennox family. Not more than a month ago, he and his fellow Autobots entered into the Earths atmosphere, following the signal of their youngest comrade Bumblebee. The day after, he was firing off his cannons, rolling around in the dirt, kicking Decepticon ass, and rolling around in the dirt. After rejoicing in the defeat of Megatron, and grieving over the loss of a close friend, he was introduced to his charge, Captain William Lennox. Who he was awaiting for at this very moment. Primus he was a busy mech.

Now Ironhide isn't the type of mech to express his excitement, unless it involved big guns and killing Decepticons, then you wouldn't be able to shut him up but that's not the point. The point is ladies and gentlemen, was that Ironhide was in fact excited. Why you might ask? Well today was going to be his first outing with his charge and his family. He was to be taking them to a place called...a mall. When he was told of this information the night before, he looked up this so called 'mall' on the wonderful and helpful World Wide Web. He learned that it was a gathering of many, many humans where they socialized and shopped for items that were ridiculous and repulsive in his optics. But he guessed for them it was necessary, but he couldn't understand the point of buying an expanding sphere though. What was the point in purchasing a ball that would expand if pulled on, and then go back to its own size when pushed on? Maybe it was for amusement. He would certainly get bored with it expanding it only once. Why do it multiple times? Did it do a certain trick if expanded more than a hundred times? Ironhide pondered this for a moment. He added it to his already large 'things to ask charge' list. And of course he wouldn't ask with any excitement in his voice, he had to keep his gruff reputation. But Primus had sent him to a house with a little parasite living inside, a parasite named Annabelle. He hasn't been here more than two week and she's already made him show his soft side, must refuse urge next time to play peek-a-boo.

Buzz...

Ironhide was startled out of his musing; he put his sensors on high as he scanned around him. Where did that noise come from?

Buzz...buzzzzz...buzzzzzzzz...

He scanned around him frantically. If something or someone has come to harm little Annabelle and her family they will receive a fully charged cannon right up their aft. Ironhide continued to scan his surroundings, but came up with nothing.

Buuuuuuuzzzzz...

Ironhide was confused; his sensors were picking up nothing around him. Was it a fluke in his systems? He did a check on himself but came up with nothing. The noise came up again, where was it coming from? And oh Primus it was so annoying. Ironhide turned his view to his interior and scanned once more. This time, he picked up a signal indicating he had a small organic being resting on his back seat. He zoomed in and stared at the being that dared enter his personal space. He quickly found out this creature was called a Musca Domestica, or what the humans called, a common house fly.

Ironhide stared at the creature, crawling up and down his back seats, casually going on with its life as if it had nothing to worry about. Ironhide continued to search through information about this small, strange organic creature. He discovered that they too, had a short life span. And he thought humans were incredibly short, the Musca Domestica only last for a month and a half! Primus, how was he supposed to learn about this world if the organics that took refuge here kept dying?

Buuuzzzz...

Ironhide followed the small organic as it flew around his interior before landing in the middle of his steering wheel. He remembered coming across these creatures before, but he didn't know what to call them, nor did he look up information because back then he just did not care. Ironhide wished for this small creature to leave immediately. And so, he rolled down his window, all four to be exact.

The cool summer breeze blew in and caught the creatures' interest. It fluttered it wings a moment before taking off. Ironhide sighed in relief as he watched it fly out of his interior and out into the world. With a happy smile that no one could see, or would see, he rolled up his windows and relaxed back into a comfortable position now knowing the threat was gone.

Buuuuzzzz...

"WHAT THE SLAG!?!?" Ironhide, startled once more, zoomed in once more, on a fly he thought to be gone. Oh, this made him very angry...once more. How could have this happened? There was only one answer he could think of, it must be...a Decepticon Musca Domestica! That must be it!

Ironhide stared at the small creature, trying to burn holes in the tiny body...but failed. Ironhide rolled down his windows once more. He couldn't shoot the little pit spawn while it was inside him, that would be crazy! No...No he had to think of something different, something that didn't involve his cannons. But what? This Decepticon had invaded his personal space, it was _touching_ him. Oh he never felt so violated! He quickly remembered Mikaela talking about her personal space at one point, he never found out what caused this conversation to come up, but he distinctly remembered humans called their personal space...a bubble. Well...she called it a bubble, but it seemed to work.

"You...fly." Ironhide said to the small Decepticon. "Get out of my...bubble." The fly fluttered its wings and crawled a little up the steering wheel, before resting once again and proceeded to clean itself. Ironhide watched this small act, an act that seemed so innocent, and un-Decepticon like. But oh no, no it couldn't fool Ironhide, he was smart! He may be the one to shoot first and think later, but he made good decisions, and those decisions didn't need to be thought through. Like this incident inside him.

"Listen up pit spawn! If you do not remove yourself from my interior I will use deadly force!" Ironhide yelled. He growled in frustration when the fly took no notice of him, in fact he went back to cleaning himself.

"Fine, if you are not going to remove yourself yourself..."Ironhide stopped in mid sentence, he got confused for a moment from the double use of words but was quickly back on track. "Then I shall remove...yourself...for you!" The fly still, paid no attention to the screaming sounds that came out of the radio speakers. To him, it seemed like another normal day in a car with a teenager in the driver side, blaring music to test out his ear drums. And the music was always the same...nonsense! The fly was quickly disturbed from his daily cleaning when the platform he had positioned himself moved frantically, causing him to take to the air.

Ironhide shook himself like a wet dog. Oh he was going to get that fly out, no matter what it takes, he was going to get that pit slaggin' spawn out.

000000

"Honey are you ready to go yet?" Will said as he came to stand next to his wife Sarah, who was finishing up dressing their daughter Annabelle. He smiled down at her glowing face, he crossed his eyes and stuck out his tongue, making his daughter laugh with delight.

"Almost, I still need to pack up a few of Anna's things. They're over their by the bookcase if you want to put that together." Will nodded and walked over to where Anna's many toys were held. He grabbed their baby bag, making sure it was up on supplies of diapers, formula, pacifiers and now soon to be filled with some of Anna's favorite toys. Yes...it was a very big bag. One of the largest on the market.

"Uh oh." Will turned his head towards his wife. Wondering what the problem was.

"You don't have matching socks." Sarah said to her daughter. Anna smiled and kicked her feet out in joy. "You can not go out in public with two different socks on."

"What color are we looking for now?" Will said with a smile, even though his darling baby didn't dress herself. She always seemed to misplace her clothes.

"Well which one do you like? Purple or pink?" Sarah said, holding a purple one in her right hand, and the pink one in her left hand. Will scrunched his face up.

"I like green…and tan."

"Girl colors dear, not your uniform."

"Alright, pink then."

"I'll look over here while you look over there." With that, Sarah and Will set out to look for their darling daughters' missing sock

Will was about to bring up a comment, but his attention was drawn to outside when he heard the roar of an engine that belonged to a certain Topkick waiting oh so patiently for them.

"Hey honey, I think we should hurry up a bit, remember what happens when Ironhide gets impatient?"

"Well he's just going to have to learn patients if he's going to be staying with us. He needs to learn to control that temper of his, it sets a bad example for Anna."

"Okay, yes I agree he needs to learn patients, but really Sarah, have you ever come across a babysitter as good as Ironhide? I mean, come on the first few days he was here Anna got him to play peek-a-boo."

"I'm not doubting Ironhides' capability to keep Anna occupied and happy, but I'm just worried that she'll pick up a few of his habits later in life. I don't want our daughter threatening everything that moves."

"Well she'll certainly keep the boys away. That part I don't have to worry about." Will said with a large smile. Sarah roller her eyes at her husbands' immaturity. Another roar of an engine was heard outside, Sarah finally found the missing sock and put it on Anna's foot. Will also finished packing the overly large duffle bag filled with a variety of baby survival equipment. Out of habit, Will went to grab for the car keys that were on the kitchen table, but retrieved his hand back remembering there was no need for those anymore.

"WILL COME QUICK THE TRUCKS GONE MAD!!" Will rushed out the door, not knowing what to expect. The site that caught his eyes…was indeed…something he didn't expect. Sarah, Anna and Will, all stood on the porch, watching a very distressed looking vehicle running a muck in the middle of their yard. Anna laughed as she watcher her over sized friend and babysitter doing circles in front of her eyes. He was going fast too! Anna laughed hysterically when the Topkick flipped on it's hood and back down on it's wheels like it was nothing,

"Did he just…roll?" Sarah said as she watched the large vehicle speed past her, turn around and speed past her again.

"…yeah." Will answered, following the truck as it went past once more. His eyebrows went to his hair line when his ears caught what was heard from the Topkick.

"AAHHH!!! GET IT OUT GET IT OUT GET IT OUT!!!" Ironhide shouted. He tried to get the fly out, oh for primus sake he tried, but it wouldn't budge. It was driving him crazy. It was mocking him that was it, it was teasing him, oh he could hear the little voice now. He needed help, and he was desperate. He didn't think he could take much more of this. Then, his optics caught sight of something that made him the happiest mech on earth. Humans!

Ironhide made a quick u-turn and drove as fast as he could toward his charge. Will and Sarah stayed put, they didn't know if they should stay or run. To be scared or to be amused. They were both considering that being scared and running towards the hills when they saw the psycho truck headed straight for them. Annabelle clapped her hands in delight, her favorite babysitter was coming! And he was going really fast!

'Almost there, almost there, almost there!' Ironhide thought to himself as he got closer. Will and Sarah took a step back, then another…and then another. Annabelle continued to clap her hands and laugh at the situation. The three watched as the crazed truck finally came to a sliding halt a few feet away from where they stood, and then flung all four doors open as fast as possible.

"GET IT OUT! OH FOR THE LOVE OF PRIMUS SAVE MEEEE!!!" Ironhide yelled through the speakers. Will and Sarah continued to stare at the giant black truck. Will was the first to come out of shock as the request from Ironhide slowly but surely went through his brain.

"Wh-What?"

"THERE IS A SMALL DECEPTICON MUSCA DOMESTICA INSIDE ME! I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING AND IT WON'T LEAVE AND IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DOOOO!!" Ironhide yelled. Annabelle clapped her hands again, her babysitter sounded funny.

'It…it sounds like he's about ready to…cry…wow.' Sarah thought as she watched the distressed robot in disguise.

Will stared at Ironhide. "A what?"

"A Decepticon house fly!" Ironhide said, finally starting to calm down a little knowing that help was in front of him.

"Oh…well then, I guess…we should get it out then huh?"

"You think?!"

Will scratched the back of his head. This was a very strange situation, here he had the bad ass Ironhide, Weapons Specialist of the great Optimus Prime, who he guessed wasn't afraid of anything, afraid of a house fly. Or as Ironhide put it, a Decepticon Musca Domestica.

Ironhide twitched, he could feel it inside him, crawling up and down his interior and flying around until it landed in a new spot. Will saw Ironhide twitched, he sighed as he walked towards the black mech.

"Easy there big guy, I'll get it out."

Yes…Ironhide loved his charge very much. If he was the type of mech he would huge him, but of course…he wasn't that type of mech. Will walked up to the driver's side and looked inside the cab. He then hoisted himself up and sat in the seat looking around for the fly. He turned his head to the left, hearing the buzzing noise of a fly in motion. Then he spotted it. The fly was casually flying around the dash board of the passenger side. Will brought his hand out and tried to guide the small creature out.

Ironhide watched his charge from his inner scanners. Oh he was such a brave human! He hadn't been working for more than a minute and already he out smarted the pit spawn by sneaking his hand behind it and forcefully pushing it out. What stealth and secrecy!

But the fly had played this game before; he didn't want to go out. It was cozy and warm where he was, much better than outside. So, like any smart fly would do, he flew around the large hand behind him and went back to his previous post. Will saw the fly move around his hand and back to its previous spot. He brought his had back behind the fly once more and proceeded to do the same process. And like before, the fly flew around his hand and back to its previous spot.

Ironhide started to worry. Had this Decepticon figured out their plan? Was it planning on staying inside him forever? NO! That must not happen; if it did he would never be the same again. He turned his attention back to his charge when he felt his weight shift in his seat.

"Alright I'm going to grab the fly swatter, be right back." Ironhide looked up what this so called 'fly swatter' was. True the name gave a wonderful idea on what the definition was, but he just wanted to make sure. And he was over come with joy when he found the purpose. It was a swatter to kill flies! Brilliant!

Sarah remained where she stood, holding a jumpy Annabelle in her arms. She tried to think of many different reasons why Ironhide would act like this over a fly. Could they get sick? She didn't think so since they were just metal and wires. Or do they call it a virus? For whatever reason that was making Ironhide act like he was, she settled on one word and one word only until they could figure out his problem.

Ironhide was a sissy.

"I found it!" Will yelled as he came back from the house holding up the fly swatter, a pink fly swatter to be exact. Ironhide noticed the color, he then noticed little Annabelle's socks. They were both the same color, and no fly was surrounding them! Was this color pink a repellent to these horrible creatures? It must be, Ironhide decided when he got back to the base, he was going to put pink everywhere.

Will walked back up to the side of Ironhide, holding the fly swatter in his right hand. "Alright, where is it?"

"It's on the back of my passenger seat." Ironhide tried to stop the tiny squeakiness sound coming from his voice, but it was too late. Will patted the inside of the door for reassurance. He guessed he understood Ironhides problem, if they didn't have flies on Cyberton then his reaction would be…normal. Will climbed into the back of the giant truck, planning to sneak up on the thing and swatting it from behind. He crouched down onto his stomach, fly swatter in hand.

'Think predator…and prey.' Will thought in his mind. He was back in the dessert, searching for their victim, orders were to eliminate target, leave no trail behind. He continued to crawl slowly on the back seat, his eyes scanning and searching for the small insect. He sniffed…yes, he could smell fear, he was getting close. Ironhide was baffled; his human could smell the little devil, that was AMAZING!

Sarah and Anna watched the scene in front of them. Anna had a smile on her face, not knowing what was going on but the scene before her eyes was very funny. Her babysitter was acting funny and sounded like a kitty, and her daddy was doing that 'sneaking' thing that she loved to imitate. She was a happy baby! Sarah considered getting them help. Her husband has gone off in his own fantasy world, and she had a giant alien guardian afraid of insects.

Will shifted his eyes to the left, hearing the flutter of the wings that belonged to the target. Then, he spotted it. He smiled, a smile that looked so evil it would send Starscream to the hills. But then again…anything would send Starscream to the hills. Will locked his eyes on the creature, the insect made the mistake of landing right in front of him. He tightened his grasped on the pink fly swatter, he slowly raised it above his head, ready to strike. Then, he brought it down with all his might.

SWAT

"OW!!"

SWAT

"OW!"

"I MISSED! HOLD STILL!"

SWAT! SWAT! SWAT!

Will saw it now, he had his eyes trained on it. He followed it all over the place, but the swatter wouldn't hit! It was defective! Will watched as it went from one place to another, then it finally landed on the steering wheel, he went for it.

SWAT!

HONK!

SWAT!

HONK!

SWAT!

"STOP IT!!!"

"DO YOU WANT ME TO GET IT OR NOT?!"

SWAT!

Sarah watcher her husband, his mid section was on the middle counsel, his legs were in the back but were up in the air, and his upper body had slumped into the drivers' seat, giving his body an "L" shape. He held the fly swatter in both hands and was swatting like no swatter had swat before. Both of Sarah's eyebrows went to her hair line from his next action. "Will…what are you doing?"

SWISH SWASH SWISH SWASH SWISH SWASH SWISH SWASH!!

"I'M TRYING TO HIT IT WHILE IT'S IN MOTION!"

SWISH SWASH SWISH SWASH SWISH SWASH SWISH SWASH!!

Ironhide shifted on his hydraulics.

"DON'T MOVE!!"

Ironhide stilled, he didn't wish to ruin his humans' concentration. Will almost had it, he was so close! But it wouldn't die! He was seriously thinking of going back into the house and getting his 9mm. Yes…that would kill it, that would most definitely kill it, Ironhide wouldn't mind, he can heal.

Will was snapped back to reality when the fly swatter was roughly yanked from his hands and was slapped on top of his head.

WACK!

Sarah lifted the end of the fly swatter off of her husbands head and flicked the end removing the once alive fly. She handed it back to her stunned husband and said:

"I got it while it was in motion." Sarah said with a smile. "Once you two boys are done playing around, Anna and I would like to get going." Will and Ironhide followed Sarah as she moved to the passenger side, waiting to put the child seat in and get going. At that moment, Ironhide made the conclusion that human women were fierce warriors and he promised himself to never get on their bad side.

00000

The trip to the mall was a somewhat silent trip. Sarah was enjoying the scenery as it passed by and Anna was amusing herself by trying to figure out how to unlock her car seat, but unfortunately for her it was child proof…which meant it would be figured out in the next couple of days. Will was thinking to himself about the previous event that took place not more than ten minutes ago. He was thinking of new tactics to help the new recruits that recently came in, he could think of one thing and one thing only. Flies were the way to go.

"What is the point of an expanding sphere?" Will and Sarah looked down at the radio while Anna looked around her happily wondering where he babysitters voice came from. Sarah looked at her husband and then looked down at the radio.

"It's for amusement I suppose." Will nodded his head, agreeing with his wife like a good husband should.

"But does it do anything else besides expand?" Ironhide asked, he was to get to the bottom of this obscured toy.

"No."

"Then why is it so amusing?"

"Hide once you start getting used to us you'll see that humans are easily amused." Will said from the driver's seat. That wasn't the answer Ironhide was looking for but he took it, as he thought about it, he didn't even know what kind of an answer he was looking for.

Ironhide soon found himself pulling into the very large parking lot to the Tranquility Mall. Will had him park away from the crowding parking spaces and into the more open, not so popular spots to not draw attention. He was after all a very large Topkick with smokestacks that you could probably see from miles away, but he did what he was told. There were a few cars around them here and there but the large open space gave Ironhide some comfort, he didn't like small confined spaces. He would go nuts and would twitch like crazy in a crowded room; he was hoping his charge would never find out about it. Ironhide scanned the area as his charge and his wife got their small sparkling ready for transport. Anna was placed in a very comfortable looking, very large stroller. She was giggling happily as her toys soon surrounded her. Will heaved the giant baby bag over his shoulder, wondering how it was possible for this baby bag to be heavier than his large duffle bag he carried around with him when he was on base. The answer was simple, their daughter was spoiled. And they weren't the only ones to spoil her oh no, they were only half. The other half included giant alien robots, two teenaged kids and a middle aged women named Judy.

Once Will and Sarah were confirmed that Anna had all of her toys and that she was securely strapped in they made ready to leave.

"We'll only be a few hours." Will rolled his eyes behind his wife.

'A few hours my ass…" He thought in his head, he didn't put on his special double deluxe comfort boots for nothing. When the truck didn't respond they turned and headed for the mall. They walked no more than twenty steps when a high pitched scream filled the air.

"AAHH!! Demon truck!!" Will spun on his heals to come face to bumper with Ironhide. The women who screamed was passed out on the floor, bags surrounding her body. Sarah gasped and ran toward the passed out women.

"Hide! What the hell are you doing?! Go back to your spot now!" Will said firmly through his teeth and pointing to the open parking spot. Ironhide remained where he was, was his human…scolding him? And for what? For him following like a good guardian should, to make sure that no harm came to his charge and his family. He was so confused.

Will looked over at his wife; she was waving her hand frantically, signaling to speed things up. The women must be waking. He looked around quickly, making sure nobody was near to see the driverless truck…or him talking to a driverless truck.

"Back! Back to your spot!" Confused, Ironhide did what he was told. He slowly started to back up to where he was positioned before.

"Quickly! Go go go go!" Will ushered the giant truck back. Once Ironhide was back in his spot, Will looked around once more; when it was clear he turned his full attention in front of him.

"What are you crazy?!"

If Ironhide could show his face, his eyebrow would be up and he would have been giving his human charge one strange look. "I am an Atomic Robotic Organism from the planet Cybertron. Not crazy."

"No no no no! I mean what were you thinking? You can't follow us." Will said in a hushed tone so as to not draw attention.

"Why?"

"Because you can't, you're a truck."

Ironhide really hated repeating himself. "I am not a truck; I am an Atomic Robotic Organism from the planet Cybertron, with a disguise of a GMC C4500 Topkick.

"Yes we know Ironhide. Well…I mean we _all_ don't know, but do you understand what I'm trying to say?" There was no answer from the giant beast in front of him. "Listen big guy, to us and everybody that knows you, you're an Atomic Robotic…whatever it's called from the planet Cybertron. And that is a secret that none of us will ever tell. But everybody else in the world, this place included…you're a truck."

"I'm…a truck." Ironhide was soon hit with reality. He was a truck in public, not Ironhide, not Hide, not Atomic Robotic Organism, not Mr. Trigger Happy, or whatever name these humans gave him…he was…a truck.

"Now I understand your reasons for wanting to come with us. But don't worry, we'll be fine we've been to plenty of these before and we know how to take care of ourselves. You have nothing to worry about. You see that?" Will pointed to his wife. "My lovely wife, who has taken care of me, taken care of our daughter and has dealt with all the emotions any women would face, is also a deadly fighting machine."

"She is robotic?" Ironhide asked.

"No it's a figure of speech. What I'm trying to say is that we'll be fine and you have nothing to worry about."

Ironhide didn't like this one bit, if he knew he had to stay out in the parking lot he would have kept his humans in their box where it was safe.

"Alright the women is coming around, now promise me you won't do anything. Even if someone hits you with their car door, or anything else…please do not do anything." Will pleased with the giant truck in front of him. He didn't want him to take his cannons out no matter how fascinating they were.

Ironhide grumbled deep in his throat. "Fine."

Will let out the breath he was holding, relief washing over him. They really should have discussed this back at the house. With another quick reassurance, Will left and quickly made it over to his wife Sarah, who was trying to convince the women there was no such things as demon trucks.

"But…but I saw it! There was no driver!"

"Ma'am I can assure you the truck has never left that spot. You were walking fine a moment ago and then all of a sudden you collapsed." Sarah said trying to convince the women she must have just passed out.

"I guess…I guess it was all in my head. Thank you though for your concern." Taking the bait, the women said her goodbyes and left for her car.

"Do you think she's safe to drive?" Will whispered in his wife's ear.

"Probably not, but if nothing pops up on the news later tonight then it went fine." Will looked at his wife, and she thinks Ironhide is a bad example? With their final check of making sure Ironhide was to stay put, they finally made their way to the mall entrance. With an occasional glance back every few seconds of course.

Ironhide kept his scanners on his charge and his family until they were out of range. He guessed all he had to do now was sit…and wait. He was told he couldn't move under any circumstances, even if someone's purse was stolen right in front of him…he couldn't move. He just had to sit there…quietly, like a good truck.

Buuuuzzzzzzz

"Oh no…"

**Well my first one-shot, what do ya think? So, now all you ladies and gentlemen have to do is click the lovely review button and give me a nice review…or a bad one if that's how you feel but be warned! I will give them to Ironhide for target practice.**


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